Doctors and Diaries

I just woke up.
Probably not a good time to write something everyone can read. But that's what spell check is for. I feel like I was knocked out or something. I probably would of stayed asleep too if it wasn't for the cats politely pawing at my face for food. Both they're water and food bowls were empty. I guess I forgot to feed them last night.
It took me a long while to remember what I did yesterday. It wasn't until I took a look at my blog that my memory started jogging again. I can't wait to get off of this medicine.
So I went to the doctor. I don't remember all the details. (I know that's going to bother you Mom.) He said that I looked like I was recovering alright. I told him about the pain, the random sleep patterns and the dreams. He said that was normal for the medication I was on. "Sleep is good for you.", he says.
Yeah but I'm sleeping a lot.
Anyway, I think I came strait back home then because I don't remember much else from yesterday that wasn't time spend in the doctor's office. The paranoid part of myself wants to ask him about memory loss? But it was just an afternoon. And I'm not dead or beat up or anything. So I must be okay.

I think it might be best if I keep a regular posting schedule on here for a while. At least until I get off the medicine. That way if I keep having issues I can have something to tell the doctor.
My phone is back up again too Mom. I checked it before I got on here and there is a dial tone and everything. Cell phone is still on the fritz. I'll call you after I'm done posting this.
Loves and stuffs,
Katie

Edit: Mother commented on my last post this morning an hour before I had gotten up. She said to "Wake up". Does anyone else find this creepy?

And Update and Mother

First of all Mom, I'm sorry I haven't been in contact. I know you're worried about me and I should have called you a while ago. My phone is out and I've been outside my apartment maybe twice since my last post.

I'm okay Mom. The pain is still around but its tolerable. I had to go out and get some groceries and more pain killers. I'll have to leave to see the doctor for a follow up tomorrow. I'll let you know what he says when I get back. It will have to be through e-mail though.

And to my friends, I'm sorry for not letting you guys know too. The medication makes me sleep constantly and when I am awake, I'm getting something small to eat then going strait back to bed. My computer is filled with stray cat hair and dust. And this place is getting to look like a pigsty but again I haven't bothered to do much on a count of me still being physically out of commission.
I even had to look at the calendar on my computer to see what day it was. My reference for time is all screwed up. I go to bed and wake up, its nighttime. I go to bed and wake up, its the middle of the afternoon. I go to bed and wake up, the sun is rising.
My cats have been staying close to me too. They keep giving me this weird look. Almost as if to say, "Are you okay?" and they keep looking out the side window at night. I don't know what they are seeing. I suppose cats have better vision than people but I don't know whats occupying all their time. Its just nice to have someone here with me.

And on to the other thing.
It's nice to see that a few other people seem to be interested in my life and writings. (All both of you) But when I finally cleaned off my computer and started checking past e-mails I saw that I had a number of comments from this person called Mother. At first I thought it was you Mom with some kind of clever title. But this person is different. I suppose if you start asking for help from the populous when it comes to weird dreams you're bound to get a few oddballs. But she's telling me to burn my notebook and to "be a good girl." It's a little more than disconcerting, especially since I'm still recovering here.
I suppose this is what happens when you leave your blog alone for a week.
She seems to be trying to tell me about this "him" guy. And she didn't like the morphine induced post I did either. I'm too tired to be really worried though. If she is reading this, then please don't take offense to what I have said here. But I just have no idea what your angle is. I appreciate any help you want to give me but your odd comments are looking less like a good samaritan and more like a creeper.

Anyway, doctor tomorrow, I'm doing okay, and contact me through e-mail. Or here. I know my friends and family are reading this even though they don't follow it directly.
Love to all,
Katie

The Dreams

I'm in that black void again.

The voice is talking to me. It's weird and distorted.
But I still can't hear anything.

I agree with everything its saying but I'm scared.

Then I'm on the edge of the void, somewhere between a white walled room and the blackness.
I get really scared.
I try to move but I can't.
I'm paralyized.

These arms come our from the void.
They stretch and twist. There must be five or six of them.
They first grab my shoulders, then as I get closer they grab at my back and push me closer.
Just before I get to the void again I can move.
I start to drag my feet. I try to turn and run but the hands have me.
I get dragged into the darkness
I'm terrified.

I woke up, sweating and breathing like I had just run a few miles.
Then I drew this.

The Pain that Comes and Goes

It's been a few days since I got back from the hospital. I still feel like crap though. The medicine doesn't seem to be doing much anymore. Some days feel better and others are really painful. It seems like I keep forgetting things too. But I haven't been outside since I got back so its possible I just have a case of cabin fever.

My neighbor came over a few minutes ago to see how I was. He's such a nice guy. I haven't been here for more than a month and he's checking up on me. We're becoming fast friends. He took such good care of my cats while I was away. Speaking of, they are doing just fine Mom. They keep trying to sleep on my stomach but that's not a good place for them right now. God I missed my pets.

My dreams are getting elaborate too. It might be something that is important to my situation now. So I'm starting to write them down. Usually they all start out the same. I'm in a black void. There is no light and  I can't see anything around me. But I can hear things moving around. Mostly there is this voice. But I can't hear it. It's just...there. Then everything goes white and I end up somewhere else. Usually I'm outside my apartment or in the woods nearby. Everything is black and white like some old movie. I've been waking up in the middle of the night and I gotta take a moment to get myself out of it. Sometimes when I wake up all I can do is draw it out so I have a bunch of rough sketches too. I'll post a few here. If anyone has any psychology or dream analysis skills then let me know if anything stands out. If I can find a particular meaning then maybe I can let them go and get some real sleep.

Thanks in advance,
Katie

Home at last

Hi everyone,

That last post was pretty crazy huh? That's what a morphine drip does to you. Note to self: don't leave your computer on and nearby after being drugged. 

I just got back from the hospital today. Dad and Janet wanted me to crash at their place for the next few days but I really wanted to come home. When I got here through the place was trashed.

I don't remember leaving it like this, with all the papers and notebooks around. The front door was still locked when I got home. I looked around and made sure nothing was stolen but nothing seems to be missing. Also the front door is the only way in or out, unless you have a ladder. I have to assume that I did this and just forgot because I don't know why someone would break in just to leave my drawings and notebooks around.

I'm sure it was me and I'm just forgetting. I don't remember doing much before getting into the hospital other than sleeping or bending over in pain.

I still have to give Mom and John a call. I will talk to you two later.

Alright time to take my medicine and rest.

Loves,

Katie

I swear there is someone in my room. I know this sounds crazy or maybe its the morphine talking. But I swear I see a man in my room from time to time. Just then now, when I was sleeping, I felt something grab my hand. And it was real I'm sure of it. But no one is here. I know you think I'm obsessed with the paranormal Mom, and your probly right. But I'm sure that was real. Do you think it was an angel? I thought angels only visit dying people in the hospital. Especially black ones.

Oh my God, thats right he was wearing black! But he wasn't glowing or anything. Not like angels have to be exactly like the pictures and movies. You believe in angels right Mom?

Wow I'm getting really tired again. I just wanted to say this befoere he came back. Gotta go baclk to sleepnow.

In the Hospital

Oh my God. Nothing like a week in the hospital to make you go crazy.

To John, and all of my friends I hope you got this link. This will properly explain what happened. Since I'm kinda dopey from the pain medication here, its probably best if I'm not talking on the phone every three seconds.

The day after I went out with the cats I got all sick I and started bending over in pain. It got so intense that I was yelling into a pillow so as not to freak out my neighbors. Janet, my stepmom, came over and got me to a hospital. We went into the ER and an hour later I was being rushed to surgery. Apparently I had appendicitis. They took the offending organ out of me and now I'm re-cooperating. I've been laying here with marathons of Law & Order: SVU and worlds crazies police videos to keep me company. Dad brought me my laptop yesterday so now youtube is my new friend.

Mom, I just sent you an e-mail with the phone and room number for the hospital sorry about the delay. You can call me whenever. Leave it to me to leave my cell phone at home. I'm still in pain but they are pumping me with antibiotics and pain meds. YAY.

These meds are really messing with my dreams though. I keep having these elaborate dreams of me looking for someone in this Tim Burton like city. When I felt like I was getting close I would feel this real, intense pain. Then I would wake up. But sometimes I have to wake up again because I see this tall man in the far corner of my room just looking down at me. I hope I don't need these too much longer. The meds knock me out but the dreams wake me up. I know some of you do dream analysis. Let me know if you can figure this one out.

They're going to keep me here for a few days yet but I will keep you posted as to my progress.

Love you all,

Katie