He's Here

He's here.

Staring at me.

Through the window.

I
 dont think he can come inside. Thats why he stands at the windows

Now he just waits and stares at me though the side window. I think he has lotss of time to waiste otherwise he wouldn't do that. Sometimes I can 
ignore him but even with teh windows covered I can still feel him stareing at me. It's hard to sleep like that. The other pills are hel
ping though. But the dreams I'm having. Is it still a good nights sleep if I wake up scared and panickeddd?

I wish my cats we're still around. 

I wish my family was here.

I wish I could go home.

Doctors and Diaries

I just woke up.
Probably not a good time to write something everyone can read. But that's what spell check is for. I feel like I was knocked out or something. I probably would of stayed asleep too if it wasn't for the cats politely pawing at my face for food. Both they're water and food bowls were empty. I guess I forgot to feed them last night.
It took me a long while to remember what I did yesterday. It wasn't until I took a look at my blog that my memory started jogging again. I can't wait to get off of this medicine.
So I went to the doctor. I don't remember all the details. (I know that's going to bother you Mom.) He said that I looked like I was recovering alright. I told him about the pain, the random sleep patterns and the dreams. He said that was normal for the medication I was on. "Sleep is good for you.", he says.
Yeah but I'm sleeping a lot.
Anyway, I think I came strait back home then because I don't remember much else from yesterday that wasn't time spend in the doctor's office. The paranoid part of myself wants to ask him about memory loss? But it was just an afternoon. And I'm not dead or beat up or anything. So I must be okay.

I think it might be best if I keep a regular posting schedule on here for a while. At least until I get off the medicine. That way if I keep having issues I can have something to tell the doctor.
My phone is back up again too Mom. I checked it before I got on here and there is a dial tone and everything. Cell phone is still on the fritz. I'll call you after I'm done posting this.
Loves and stuffs,
Katie

Edit: Mother commented on my last post this morning an hour before I had gotten up. She said to "Wake up". Does anyone else find this creepy?

The Pain that Comes and Goes

It's been a few days since I got back from the hospital. I still feel like crap though. The medicine doesn't seem to be doing much anymore. Some days feel better and others are really painful. It seems like I keep forgetting things too. But I haven't been outside since I got back so its possible I just have a case of cabin fever.

My neighbor came over a few minutes ago to see how I was. He's such a nice guy. I haven't been here for more than a month and he's checking up on me. We're becoming fast friends. He took such good care of my cats while I was away. Speaking of, they are doing just fine Mom. They keep trying to sleep on my stomach but that's not a good place for them right now. God I missed my pets.

My dreams are getting elaborate too. It might be something that is important to my situation now. So I'm starting to write them down. Usually they all start out the same. I'm in a black void. There is no light and  I can't see anything around me. But I can hear things moving around. Mostly there is this voice. But I can't hear it. It's just...there. Then everything goes white and I end up somewhere else. Usually I'm outside my apartment or in the woods nearby. Everything is black and white like some old movie. I've been waking up in the middle of the night and I gotta take a moment to get myself out of it. Sometimes when I wake up all I can do is draw it out so I have a bunch of rough sketches too. I'll post a few here. If anyone has any psychology or dream analysis skills then let me know if anything stands out. If I can find a particular meaning then maybe I can let them go and get some real sleep.

Thanks in advance,
Katie

Home at last

Hi everyone,

That last post was pretty crazy huh? That's what a morphine drip does to you. Note to self: don't leave your computer on and nearby after being drugged. 

I just got back from the hospital today. Dad and Janet wanted me to crash at their place for the next few days but I really wanted to come home. When I got here through the place was trashed.

I don't remember leaving it like this, with all the papers and notebooks around. The front door was still locked when I got home. I looked around and made sure nothing was stolen but nothing seems to be missing. Also the front door is the only way in or out, unless you have a ladder. I have to assume that I did this and just forgot because I don't know why someone would break in just to leave my drawings and notebooks around.

I'm sure it was me and I'm just forgetting. I don't remember doing much before getting into the hospital other than sleeping or bending over in pain.

I still have to give Mom and John a call. I will talk to you two later.

Alright time to take my medicine and rest.

Loves,

Katie